I come from a family of doers and fixers. People who figure out any challenge and want to help others do the same. So anytime I listen to an inspiring podcast, see something or hear something that could be helpful, I want to share it with the world and help them move forward too. I try and I try and I try and after a while, to those people, I turn into a nag and into someone who “knows everything.” Even though that was never my intention or goal.
So here lies the lesson I’ve learned.
This past month, as well as the last 6 months and all of 2019, has been a lesson in this. It comes in two forms for me. The first and most important is loosening control. Over the people in my life, over the situations that happen, over everything. I am a strong, independent, smart women. I can solve just about any problem that comes around. We had a series of unfortunate events happen to us from 2018 till about spring 2019 and I took it upon myself to take care of everything. Why? Because I don’t like seeing people I love hurt. Also, if I can, I feel that I should. This, of course, kept growing my feeling of being overwhelmed and stressed and feeling as if there was an entire mountain on my shoulders that I was carrying. This isn’t even mentioning the fact that I, in my own life, was going through a ton of hardships too. I had left my job, almost lost my relationship, emotions were really high, I was a fresh freelancer trying to find work while also trying to make enough to support our 6 person family (4 dogs actually). Regardless, it was quickly suffocating me. Leading me to drink more often, not sleep well and worst of all: letting out my frustration on my family and the people I love most. As if it was their fault that I had taken on all of this responsibility and stress. Did anyone actually ask me to do this? No, not necessarily. Was I actually making things harder for myself while also not letting my significant other grow because I was taking care of each hardship? Most definitely. And this, is what finally clicked in my head this past July. It’s funny really because it definitely had clicked multiple times before and yet a few weeks pass and I’m in the same spot, taking care of everything, cursing at the world. Why can’t I just let go of control??
So that is my task. I must let things burn like this meme so perfectly illustrates.
Just because you can fix it, doesn’t mean you should. People around you, your children, your family, your friends and loved ones, they will all go through pain and hardship. While it sucks seeing the people you love hurt, it’s also a necessary evil. Just like you go through pain, overcome it and then come out stronger, smarter and more grown than before… so do they. If you don’t let them experience those hardships and potential downfalls then you actually, unintentionally, stunt their growth. You shelter them from each situation that may have come about to teach them a huge life altering lesson.
Control isn’t the way to happiness or to a fulfilling life. It’s actually a way to a very stressful, constantly agitated life. Why? Because things will still not work out how you think. Think about your past. Think about all the things you thought were going to happen. The amount of hours you spent planning and organizing and trying to control the outcome.. only to have the situation go in a completely different direction or turn out upside down.. and yet, completely right. Even better than you could’ve imagined sometimes. If you had just let go of control, let go of the constant obsession of helping or trying to sway the outcome and just enjoyed the journey instead… you could’ve saved yourself a ton of stress and sleepless nights and still gotten to the same result.
So burn world, burn.
Not really. But I just see where I was wrong. I didn’t need to save everybody constantly. Which leads into the second point.
No one is going to change or do anything, just because you tell them to. They must be ready themselves and make that initiative.
In the meantime, if you continue to repeat yourself and reiterate the same point over and over.. you become a nag. You become annoying. You actually cause a sort of wall to be built between you and the person you keep trying to influence. They don’t want to listen because it’s too much. It’s like media over stuffing your life with ads “BUY THIS!” “EAT THIS!” “DO THIS!” You want to get far far away from that.
So really the best thing you can do, I can do, is focus on me. Do what I want. Focus on my problems, my stresses and focus on what I want to achieve. Let people deal with their our problems. Let people live in their own adult role how they see it. On their own time and their own way. If that way doesn’t work for me, then I move myself, vs. trying to move the world around me.
The only person we can change is ourselves.. and even that takes forever!
You’re brain can really only take so much.
So for this Leo season, and for me almost turning 26, the motto for August is:
Do you, boo. 😎